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"One Minute Meditations
Cheerfulness
Once again you had gone back to your old follies! And afterwards, when you returned, you didn't feel very cheerful, because you lacked humility.
It seems as if you obstinately refuse to learn from the second part of the parable of the prodigal son, and you still feel attached to the wretched happiness of the pig-swill. With your pride wounded by your weakness, you have not made up your mind to ask for pardon, and you have not realised that, if you humble yourself, the joyful welcome of your Father God awaits you, with a feast to mark your return and your new beginning.
--St. Josemaria Escriva, Furrow, #65"
I know about 'restarts'...darn...that's one lesson that I learned well during Weigh Down...'just press the re-start button'. How ever there is more to it...how about real contrition! That seems to be the main ingredient missing in my 'restarts'...I might get a little sick from my 'follies' but am I 'really' sorry? I don't think so...I even plan around it...'cheating' when I don't mind so much getting sick (I know it sounds crazy)...but anyone reading THIS blog must know what I'm talking about.
I also can easily dismiss these small 'venial' sins...afterall they are not 'serious matter'...right? Well...that may be true...but a series of small sins add up and then what it does is make you unable to see the big ones coming your way and you are more less likely to succumb. Your spiritual muscles have been weakened!